Lost Resolve
by Durbe the Barian
Summary: Toshiro was traumatized. He had killed his men, left Rangiku for dead, injured Ikkaku and Yumichika, allowed his Hollow to emerge, and attacked his captain. Even though those around him say it wasn't his fault, the sickening feeling in his stomach, as well as the horrid memories in his heart, continue to punish him to the point where he can no longer hold Hyourinmaru.
1. Part One

**Bleach Oneshot**

**Lost Resolve **

**Angst**

**Toshiro, Isshin, Ichigo**

**Toshiro was traumatized. He had killed his men, left Rangiku for dead, injured Ikkaku and Yumichika, allowed his Hollow to emerge, and attacked his captain. Even though those around him say it wasn't his fault, the sickening feeling in his stomach, as well as the horrid memories in his heart, continue to punish him to the point where he can no longer hold Hyourinmaru. Is this the end of the young captain's career? Sequel to Welcome Back, Toshiro.**

**(If I owned Bleach, would Toshiro be in the situation he's in right now? No. Really. Would he be?)**

* * *

Lost Resolve

* * *

Toshiro couldn't sleep. No matter what he tried, it simply would not come to him. His hospital room was colder to him than it should have been, to the point where it felt almost unwelcoming. Maybe that was part of the reason why he found sleep so impossible. Because of the chilling discomfort.

Sighing, he raised his stiff, bandaged hands to his face and examined them in the silver moonlight. There rested another chilling discomfort.

The fact that, with his own hands, he had cut down many of his own men.

He clenched his fists in frustration and forced himself to sit up. A slight pain shot through his ribs, but he was capable of ignoring it. At least at that point. His eyes were directed to his hands once again, his bluish-green orbs staring intently at the scars hidden underneath.

"_**Master...**_"

A welcoming chill suddenly blew through the room. Slowly, Toshiro turned his head, allowing him to see who was resting in a chair.

Hyourinmaru was sitting there, his zanpakuto held within the confines of his fingers. Although it was concealed within its sheathe, one could very easily tell that the steel blade was glowing. "Hyourinmaru," Toshiro breathed. "What are you doing here? Aren't you still recovering as well?"

The icy spirit said nothing. Instead, he raised his blade slightly, silently commanding his master to take it.

Toshiro hesitated, but only for a moment. With a nod, he got out of his bed, his feet making contact with the chilly floor beneath him. Then he walked over to Hyourinmaru, a stagger in his step the whole time.

Hyourinmaru sighed. He knew that Toshiro would only stagger if he was just barely on his feet. After resting for so long, one would assume he was capable of at least walking properly.

So it would appear that his master's healing was taking longer than he had hoped.

Choosing to ignore it, Hyourinmaru then raised his zanpakuto to his master, hoping that he would draw it from its sheathe.

Toshiro's thin fingers only took hold of the hilt of his blade before he completely froze.

The faces of his fallen men suddenly flashed through his mind. Rangiku's terrified expression when she saw him get twisted into one of Giselle's puppets. Ikkaku's blood splattering on his face. Yumichika falling to the ground with a cracked skull.

His crescent blade piercing his captain's side.

His eyes shut tight as a cry escaped past his lips. He dropped his blade in a heartbeat, the cold steel clattering as it touched the ground. Then he fell against the wall and slid down, his hands clapped over his ears.

"_Ah. Captain Hitsugaya. You're alright. We were starting to worry."_

_"__Captain?!"_

_"__Captain Hitsugaya, what are you doing!?_"

He could hear all that and more in his head.

Those cries. The cries of his men...that died by his hand.

"_**Master...**_"

Hyourinmaru stood up and walked over to his master's side, his tail sliding across the wooden floor. Then he bent down, aiming to look Toshiro in the eye.

It didn't work. Toshiro's head was hung low.

"_**Master,**_" Hyourinmaru began, "_**that was not your fault. The responsibility for the lives of those men must not fall on your head. Please, Master, cease this. It shall negatively effect your healing.**_"

Toshiro offered no response, something that made Hyourinmaru sigh.

His master could no longer hear him. The turmoil in his soul blocked his voice out.

Standing up, he walked back to his zanpakuto and placed it beside Toshiro's tense form. "_**I am still here for you, Master,**_" he said. "_**All you need do is call my name.**_"

With those words, Hyourinmaru's spirit form vanished, the zanpakuto glowing no longer.

Toshiro's hands began to tremble as the room grew colder. "Hyourinmaru," he began, "what am I...supposed to do?"

* * *

"So, Toshiro got pretty banged up during the fight?" Ichigo asked his father as they walked through the halls of Squad Four.

"Yep," Isshin said with a grin. "Not only did he use up most of his Spirit Energy, Mayuri broke three of his ribs, bruised his spine, and had me give him a medicine that made him sick for three days. Then he wasn't allowed visitors for a week. Apparently, his recovery took a while, so they didn't want anybody worsening what little progress he made."

"Man," Ichigo said with a huff. "Toshiro gets into more trouble than I do."

"Actually, I'd say the two of you get into the same amount," Isshin responded. "It took Toshiro a while to understand his Shikai and according to Rangiku, he almost got himself killed when he finally achieved Bankai."

"And how did he do that?"

"No idea. I wasn't around to see it." He then stopped in his tracks. "Well, you can ask him yourself. We're here."

Ichigo looked at the door before him.

Then he paused.

It was a hospital door alright. Toshiro's name was on the nameplate too. But something felt off about it.

Maybe it was the fact that it had a 'no visitors' sign.

Or maybe it was the ice that froze the door shut.

He couldn't really say for sure.

"Can Toshiro really be sleeping in that room?" Ichigo asked, raising an eyebrow at the door's state.

"I don't know about sleeping," Isshin said, "but he is in there. If he wasn't, the ice on the door would have melted."

With that, he grabbed hold of the door and melted the ice locking it shut.

"How were you able to do that?" Ichigo asked.

"Engetsu is a fire-type zanpakuto," Isshin answered. "Unless Toshiro's trying to keep people out, that won't stop me from getting in."

Then Isshin opened the door with a grin. "Hey, Toshiro," he said happily. "How you feeling? Any better?"

He stopped in his tracks.

Toshiro's room was worse on the inside than it was on the outside. Were it a little bigger, Isshin could have joked that it was the perfect ice skating rink. The blankets had become sheets of ice, the pillow and bed shifting into chunks of frozen water. Frost licked the windowpane and Hyourinmaru's hand guard.

And Toshiro?

He was sitting in the corner of the room, untouched by the frost and ice. His hands were no longer against his ears. Rather, his arms were resting on his knees, blocking his tired eyes from the view of those who entered.

"What happened in here?" Ichigo asked curiously. "Did someone turn this room into a walk-in freezer?"

"You might say that," Isshin said, walking into the room, the ice melting beneath his feet.

As soon as he reached Toshiro, he bent down, resting his hands on the young captain's limp shoulders. "Toshiro?" he asked. "Come on, kid. Wake up. You're gonna get sick."

Toshiro's fingers twitched and he lifted his head slightly.

That was when Isshin saw the light bags under Toshiro's eyes.

Just how much sleep did he get in the ten days he was in the Squad Four medical ward? A couple of hours worth?

"Captain Shiba?" Toshiro asked, rubbing his eyes a little bit as he woke himself up the rest of the way.

"Hey," Isshin exclaimed. "You're awake."

"How are you feelin', Toshiro?" Ichigo asked, walking into the room.

"And what are you doing here, Ichigo?" Toshiro asked, obviously trying and failing to sound like himself.

"Ichigo wanted to see how you were doing," Isshin said. "Besides, you said you wanted to talk to me and it would have been rude to leave my son out of the loop."

Toshiro paused.

"Son?"

"Yeah," Ichigo said. "If it makes you feel any better, I was pretty surprised when I learned you were Dad's Third Seat twenty years ago."

"But...," Toshiro began, "your surname is Kurosaki. Not Shiba."

"That's a long story," Isshin said. "But it's also the reason I left. I'll tell you and Rangiku all about it when you get out of here." He then smiled. "So, what did you want to talk to me about, Toshiro?

Toshiro's gaze went to the ground for a moment. "What's the status of those...that survived?" he asked, his voice laced with regret.

"Survived?" Ichigo thought curiously.

"They're all okay," Isshin said happily. "Every one of them is A-OK, Toshiro."

"Captain," Toshiro said half-sternly. "Please."

Isshin paused. Then he sighed.

"Rangiku's fine," he said. "She's got laryngitis and isn't allowed to drink for a while, but she's back on her feet and handling Squad Ten in your absence. Ikkaku and Yumichika are still in the hospital, but Isane says that they'll be fighting again in no time. Heck, Ikkaku even said that he was surprised that he got to keep his leg after Giselle had you freeze it like that."

Toshiro's hands twitched, though Isshin failed to notice that. "Takezoe still has a chill, but he's still alive and on the road to recovery. In fact, he's been wondering how your injuries have been healing."

Toshiro didn't look at his captain the entire time he spoke. "And...you?"

Ichigo froze up for a second. "What are you talking about, Toshiro?" he asked. "Why are you asking if my dad's okay? Dad, did you get hur-"

"I'm fine too," Isshin said, stopping Ichigo in his tracks. "It was just a scratch. You don't have to worry, Toshiro."

Toshiro turned his head. "You were always a bad liar, Captain," he said.

Isshin laughed at that one. "You got me. Okay, so it wasn't just a scratch," he said. "But it really wasn't that big a deal. Honestly. So you don't have to worry your head about anything. I'm okay. Rangiku's okay. Ikkaku and Yumichika are okay. Takezoe's okay. But what they want to know is...if **you're** doing okay. Squad Ten especially."

Toshiro nearly buried his head in his knees, something that worried Isshin immensely, even though his face refused to show it. "I'm fine," he said. "I'll be able to get back to my duties in a few days."

Isshin wasn't entirely convinced when Toshiro said those words. Something about them seemed terribly fake.

Maybe it was the trembling in Toshiro's shoulder and the breaking in his voice.

* * *

And Isshin was right. Something was still very wrong with Toshiro. He was released from the hospital a day after they spoke, but he never once put on his haori. He did his work as he was supposed to, allowing Rangiku to get some much needed sleep. Needed, as she had previously been diligently handling almost every captain duty in Toshiro's place since she got out of the hospital. The only work she didn't do was attending the captains' meetings, though even those were cancelled while the Squads found their feet again.

He kept his face in front of people during the daytime, but at night, Isshin saw a different side.

Toshiro chose not to sleep in his futon. It remained folded up and put away even after he got back to work. He never even touched it. He hid himself in the corner instead, his hands over his ears the whole time.

And what time he was in his room, still wide awake, he would clean the blade of Hyourinmaru as if it were covered in rust. Even though he had never once taken Hyourinmaru out of its sheathe, he behaved as if there was something on the blade that had to be removed.

Like blood.

His hands were another confusing thing. Even though he had supposedly healed up, Toshiro's hands were still bandages. And twice a day, the bandages were changed.

"I wonder," one of the men said one day. "Are you sure Captain Hitsugaya is doing all right?"

"What do you mean?" asked another.

"According to Squad Four, the injuries to his hands weren't that big a deal. They were actually the lightest wounds he had. So why are they taking so long to heal?"

Toshiro didn't hear these words, but Isshin did. And he was determined to find the truth.

* * *

After a couple of days on duty, Toshiro was requested to take a break. Kyoraku claimed that, out of all their surviving Soul Reapers, Toshiro was traumatized the most from the Quincy incident and thought that spending some time in Junrinan would be the best medicine.

Quite frankly, Kyoraku should have chosen his words a little more carefully. The word 'surviving' did nothing more than remind Toshiro what he had done to his squad.

He wanted to argue; hoping to shout that his squad needed help getting back on its feet, and Rangiku was going to do little in that department, seeing as how she returned to her lazy ways. He wanted to shout until his throat went hoarse.

But it didn't work.

He couldn't say a word.

Only, "Yes, Sir."

He chose not to leave for Junrinan wearing his shihakusho, remembering how the people there despised Soul Reapers – unless they were from there, of course, but who remembered Toshiro – so he put on one of his older outfits.

It wasn't a kimono or his childhood outfit. His kimonos were too formal for a simple vacation and he had long since grew out of his childhood attire.

No, the outfit he chose was a little more simple.

That black shirt with the 46 on the left chest and grey jeans. People would most likely find it odd that he was wearing such human clothes, but he didn't really care.

He'd received hundreds of stares before, after all. And they were just for his hair.

If he could handle that, he was sure to handle being stared at for dressing like a human.

* * *

"It's so nice to have you back home, Toshiro," Granny said as Toshiro prepared the cushions near the cooking fire. "It's so much easier to handle things when you come on your days off."

Toshiro smiled a little bit and looked to his grandmother. "It's nice to be back, Granny," he said. "I'm only sorry for not being here lately."

"Oh, you don't have to apologize," Granny said. "You were having troubles. I can understand that." She then stroked his face with her wrinkled hand. "So long as you're alive, that's all I need to know."

That brought a sadder smile to Toshiro's face, something his grandmother noticed right away. "Why don't you get washed for dinner?" she suggested. "It's almost ready."

"Uh," went Toshiro. "Alright."

With that, he stood up and walked into the kitchen, where the pump was located for easy access. Once he saw it, he wrapped his fingers around it and pumped some water into a deep bowl.

Then he slowly undid the bandages on his hands.

The cuts from his sword had yet to heal up, despite the amount of time he had been in convalescence. When looking at them, he could do little more than sigh.

Then he lifted the bowl onto the counter and began to clean his hands, just as his grandmother had taught him – which he, in turn, taught Jidanbo.

The cooling water was relieving to Toshiro's burning hands. Of that, he could not deny. Unfortunately, however, the movement that so often came with his washing reminded him of something.

Washing the blood off his hands after waking up in Squad Four.

Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he tried to force the memories back, but it was of little use. He could still remember the faces of those he'd slain. His ears still picked up their strangled cries, something he unknowingly mimicked in his sleep. His face grew twisted, despite his wishes, and he shut his eyes tightly to throw the images out the window.

"Toshiro!"

He suddenly stiffened up, a jolt going up his spine as cold hands grabbed at his wrists. Blinking, Toshiro then looked to his side.

His grandmother had entered the kitchen, stopping him mid-washing.

"Granny?"

"Toshiro, what are you doing to your hands?" Granny asked, looking down at the bowl.

"What do you...mean?"

Toshiro then looked down.

Then he almost stopped breathing.

The water in the bowl had been dyed red. And after slowly pulling his hands out of the cold liquid, he found that the water changed color on account of him.

His cuts and scabs had been ripped open, his blood being the dye that made the change.

His eyes began to tremble as the memories of Squad Ten's near-death flashed through his mind.

Again, blood was pouring down his hands.

Again, someone called out his name.

And again, he was helpless to stop himself.

His hands dug into his hair, staining some of his white locks deep red. He almost fell into the corner of the kitchen, but his grandmother was quick enough to save him there.

* * *

"Now, now, Toshiro," Granny said, wrapping Toshiro's hands in fresh bandages. "I understand that something happened during the disasters in the Seireitei, and I realize that whatever happened placed all of you on edge. But hurting yourself like that, even without intending it, is inexcusable."

"I'm sorry," Toshiro answered sadly, a towel resting in his hair.

Granny then looked her grandson in the eye.

Toshiro looked pained.

Numb.

She'd only seen that once before; mere days before he told her that he was going to become a Soul Reaper.

"Toshiro," she said, her hands carefully clapped around his own. "Did something happen out there? Is that what's got you so depressed?"

His fingers twitched. "Granny," he began, his hand beginning to tremble. "I...I hurt my own men."

Granny stared at him intently. "I'm sure you didn't mean it," she said.

"I don't know," Toshiro responded. "I don't know anymore. But, Granny."

"What is it, Toshiro?"

Toshiro lowered his head even more.

"I don't think...I can ever...take up Hyourinmaru again."

* * *

**D.T.B: Another twoshot. I don't know if I should shout 'weird,' 'COME ON!,' or 'All's well that ends well.' You tell me. In a review. (Apologies for Toshiro's slight case of OOC-ness.)**


	2. Part Two

**Part Two**

* * *

The stars were twinkling in the sky before Toshiro fell asleep that night. His small body was still as his grandmother set his quilted blanket over his shoulders. "Oh, Toshiro," she said under her breath, touching his face with her wrinkled hands. He was sleeping peacefully and easily, something that surprised his grandmother considerably.

It surprised her because only moments before, the young captain looked as if he was about to fall apart.

* * *

"_I don't think...I can ever...take up Hyourinmau again."_

_"__What are you talking about, Toshiro?" Granny asked. _

_Toshiro's shoulders were the next to start trembling. "Granny...," Toshiro began, "I...I killed my own men."_

_He could feel his grandmother tighten her grip on his hands. "Toshiro," she said under her breath, "what are you trying to say?"_

_Toshiro's available hand fell to the ground beneath him. "They say that it wasn't my fault," he said. "That I had no control over what happened and I shouldn't blame myself, but...I don't know what I"m supposed to do anymore." He pulled his hand away from his grandmother and pressed it against his face. "Every time I try to draw Hyourinmaru from his sheathe, I remember everything that happened. Everything. And now...I can't even hear Hyourinmaru's voice anymore."_

_He fell forward a little bit, a few stray tears falling past his fingers. _

_"__Toshiro," Granny spoke softly, reaching forward to touch his face. _

_"__Granny," Toshiro choked out, "I don't know what to do anymore. I can't abandon Hyourinmaru, but I can't draw him from his sheathe either. What am I...supposed to do?"_

_"__I can't answer that, Toshiro."_

_Toshiro raised his head a little bit, allowing him to look at his grandmother._

_It didn't last for long, though, as Granny slowly wrapped her arms around her grandson's shoulders in an attempt to soothe him. "Don't worry for right now, Toshiro," she said. "I'm sure the answer shall come to you in time."_

_Toshiro began to tremble as he lowered his head even more._

_Then Granny embraced her grandchild all the more, calming the rising storm in his heart._

* * *

"So, you can no longer hear the voice of your zanpakuto," Granny said under her breath. "If I remember correctly, you told me once that's the hardest thing for a Soul Reaper to endure."

With those words, she got up took Hyourinmaru out of the corner Then she placed the blade beside her grandson, allowing him to sleep beside his precious friend. "Sounds to me like you need your zanpakuto more than ever, Toshiro."

Toshiro offered no response. Only more soft breathing.

* * *

(The next morning.)

"Toshiro? Toshiro. Time to wake up, Toshiro."

The young captain woke up from his sleep, looking his grandmother in the eye immediately. "Granny?"

His grandmother nodded a little bit. "You'd better get up," she said. "You have company."

"Company?" Toshiro asked, lifting his head a little bit and racing a hand through his hair.

"Yes," Granny responded with a nod. "Now hurry up. He seems to be a little anxious."

With that, his grandmother went into the kitchen, leaving Toshiro to sort out his thoughts.

"Who could be visiting?" Toshiro thought, patting his shirt down as he stood up. "Everybody's busy getting the Squads back on their feet. Who would even have the time?"

With a light yawn, Toshiro folded up the quilt that Granny had placed on his shoulders and set it aside. Then he made his way to the entrance and opened the door, only to stop entirely when he saw his visitor.

Well, actually, **visitors** would be the better word.

Isshin and Ichigo.

"Captain Shiba?" Toshiro asked in disbelief. "Ichigo?"

"Hey, Toshiro," Ichigo said, his arms folded across his chest.

Toshiro sighed, but otherwise, remained silent.

"How have you been feeling, Toshiro?" Isshin asked. "Any better since you got out of the hospital?"

"Yes, Captain," Toshiro answered. "Now, what are the two of you doing-"

Before he could complete his question, Isshin jerked his hand forward and grabbed Toshiro's wrist. "Uh!? Captain?" Toshiro asked.

Ignoring the question, Isshin shifted Toshiro's hand so he could see his palms.

"I want to see it for myself," Isshin said.

Not wasting a second, Isshin pulled the bandages away from Toshiro's hands, allowing him to see the extent of the damage.

"Eh- Toshiro!" Ichigo exclaimed. "What's happened to your hand?!"

Toshiro hung his head as he bit his lip.

The scabs and cuts had yet to heal up again.

"I thought so," Isshin said under his breath. "You've been washing so hard before your meals, your injuries don't have time to heal."

"What are you talking about?" Ichigo asked. "What have you been doing, Toshiro?"

"It doesn't matter," Toshiro said, attempting to rip his hand away from Isshin.

It failed.

"Yeah, Toshiro," Isshin said, "it DOES matter."

"Excuse me," Granny piped up, coming out to the front door. "Is something the matter?"

"Nothing much, ma'am," Isshin said. "Tell me, where is Hyourinmaru?"

Toshiro froze up.

"Toshiro's Hyourinmaru is in the main room," Granny answered.

"Ichigo, go get Hyourinmaru," Isshin said.

"Uh, right," went Ichigo. "'Scuse me, ma'am."

He was in and out of the house in a second, Hyourinmaru in his hands.

"What are you doing with my zanpakuto, Ichigo?" Toshiro asked with a growl.

"You'll see in a minute," Isshin said, pulling Toshiro away from the house. "Come on, Toshiro."

"Uh! Captain, what are you doing!? Hang on a minute! Captain!"

Granny looked on as the men left the house. "I'm sorry, Toshiro," she said. "I can only hope that Captain Shiba can help you."

* * *

Isshin pulled Toshiro through the forest near Junrinan, ignoring any leaves that brushed against his face. "Captain Shiba!" Toshiro exclaimed. "What is going on? Where are you taking me?"

"Just quit complaining, Toshiro," Ichigo said beside him. "You'll see in a few minutes."

"You'd better not damage Hyourinmaru, Ichigo," Toshiro grumbled. "I'm warning you."

"Yeah, yeah," Ichigo responded, holding the sword in question above his head. "Don't worry about it, Toshiro."

"Ichigo!"

"What? Not gonna correct me and have me call you 'Captain?'"

Toshiro hesitated, then let his head fall a little bit. "I can hardly be called...a captain anymore...Ichigo."

"Huh?"

"Here we are," Isshin said happily.

"Huh? Where?" went Toshiro, moments before Isshin gave his wrist a good pull, making him eat dirt.

Almost literally.

With a growl, Toshiro got up from the ground, spitting out any dirt that got into his mouth. "Captain Shiba!" he shouted. "What are you doing!?"

"Yeah, this is the perfect place," Isshin said, his hands on his hips. "Recognize this place, Toshiro?"

Toshiro forced himself to stand up and looked around.

He was standing in a large section of empty forest. The dirt was the strange color of aquamarine, the bark on the trees bearing a closer resemblance to ice if anything else. "This is...the Heart of Junrinan Forest."

"Yep," Isshin said with a nod. "This is the place where I first found you in the Soul Society."

"No way," went Ichigo. "Seriously?"

Toshiro didn't answer that.

Toshiro didn't, but Isshin did. "Yep. He was such a tiny kid. Barely a toddler."

"I wasn't that small," Toshiro growled.

"Back then, this forest had just been turned into a frozen wonderland," Isshin continued. "And Toshiro was in the center, freezing to death. So I brought him to Granny's place and she raised him right up until he went into the Soul Reaper Academy."

"Is there a reason you brought me here, Captain Shiba?" Toshiro asked. "Other than to reminisce?"

"Huh?" went Isshin. "That can't be my only reason?"

"Captain Shiba!"

That was when the temperature dropped.

In the time it took Toshiro to blink, Isshin had unsheathed his sword and swung it down towards Toshiro's head.

Fortunately, Toshiro was able to dodge, though with a nasty cut on the right side of his face.

His heart began to pound wildly as his breath was caught in his throat. "Captain Shiba," he coughed out. "What was that for?"

"Good reflexes," Isshin said. "At least you haven't lost that." He then cast Ichigo a sidelong glance.

Ichigo nodded, throwing Hyourinmaru to Toshiro's feet.

"Hyourin...maru?" Toshiro asked.

"Pick him up."

Toshiro then looked up to his former captain, who's face was stern and cold.

"Captain?"

"Pick him up, Toshiro," Isshin said. "I want to see what you can do."

* * *

The young captain looked to the zanpakuto at his feet. Hyourinmaru was cold. Even without touching the blade, he could tell that Hyourinmaru was upset. Very much so, in fact. He wanted Toshiro to pick him up again.

He didn't need to hear Hyourinmaru to know that.

A firm expression painted Toshiro's face as he reached for his precious blade. "Hyourinmaru," he thought, just barely fingering the sheathe.

In an instant, the memories flooded Toshiro's mind again.

The wide faces of those who fell.

Rangiku's expression when she learned of her captain's transformation.

Everything.

Absolutely everything went through his mind, shattering what little resolve he had left.

His trembling hand hovered over his zanpakuto for a split second, but that was all Isshin needed. "So, I was right," he sighed. "You've lost your resolve, haven't you, Toshiro?"

Toshiro clenched his fist in frustration.

A split second later, he had to jump back again, Isshin having tried to attack him again with a horizontal slash to the chest. He fell against a tree, his breath catching up to him again. "C-Captain Shiba?"

"I wouldn't worry about just my dad, Toshiro," Ichigo said suddenly, appearing a sword's length away from Toshiro's side. "After all, I'm here too!"

He then swung his sword towards Toshiro, forcing the boy captain to jump into the trees.

"Did you have to do that, Ichigo?" Isshin asked with a chuckle.

"What? I've always wanted to try that at least once," Ichigo responded.

"What is he talking about?" Toshiro thought, almost wanting to laugh at the situation. All the tension had just been blown away with the wind.

As if reading Toshiro's thoughts, Isshin looked to his former Third Seat. Then, in the blink of an eye, he jumped into the air behind Toshiro, his sword at the ready. "Better move, Toshiro," he said, "unless you want to get hurt."

Toshiro's eyes widened and he jerked his head back.

Isshin swung his sword forward, forcing Toshiro off of the tree branch he was on.

"Ah!" Toshiro exclaimed, hitting the cold ground beneath him.

"You okay, Toshiro?" Ichigo asked.

"No," Isshin thought. "He's not. Not yet, anyway."

Toshiro forced himself back onto his knees, Hyourinmaru resting several feet away from his hands.

A chilly air enveloped his blade, something that only Toshiro was able to notice.

"_**Ma...er.**_"

Toshiro's eyes widened. "Hyourinmaru?

"Toshiro!" Isshin shouted, gaining the boy's attention. "You might have noticed by now, but you're not the only one who was traumatized from your little zombie episode."

Toshiro looked back down to his zanpakuto, the words of his captain echoing in his head.

"So you have noticed," Isshin said.

It was a statement. Not a question.

Swallowing, Toshiro tried a second time to grab Hyourinmaru, only for the memories to repeat themselves. His face was covered in a veil of sweat, something that Ichigo was capable of noticing. "Toshiro...," Ichigo thought.

Growling under his breath, Toshiro slammed his bandaged hand into the ground. "I'm sorry, Hyourinmaru," he thought. "I can't...I can't..."

Isshin sighed. "I guess there's no other choice," he said, jumping into the air. "TOSHIRO!"

All eyes looked to the air above them.

Then Toshiro gasped.

Isshin's blade was wrapped in a bandage of flames. "Moero!" he shouted. "Engetsu!"

"What the!?" Ichigo exclaimed. "What is he doing!?"

Toshiro knew the answer.

He was giving him a choice.

Toshiro looked to Hyourinmaru one more time before nodding and jumping forward.

"It's too late, Toshiro!" Isshin shouted, swinging his sword down to the ground beneath him.

* * *

The flames exploded and became a veil of smoke, forcing Ichigo to jump into the trees. "So that's what my old man's zanpakuto can do," he said. "That's crazy."

Then he began to smell it.

Steam.

"Huh?"

The smoke began to disperse, allowing Ichigo to see what happened down below.

What he saw was rather surprising.

Toshiro was standing against his former captain, his released Hyourinmaru gripped firmly in his hands. Beads of sweat formed on his brow as he tried to keep his stance. The two blades were brushing against each other, preventing either of them harming the other.

"Well, well," Isshin said. "So you grabbed your zanpakuto before I was able to hit you."

"Not entirely," Toshiro said, seconds before a burn mark made itself known on his left shoulder.

"Ouch," went Ichigo. "That's gotta hurt."

"_**You were too slow, Hitsugaya."**_

Toshiro froze, his eyes widening slightly.

"_**Much too slow."**_

"Hyourin...maru?" Toshiro stammered out. "Is that...you?"

"That's it," Isshin thought with a grin.

_**"**__**Had you chosen to unsheathe me earlier, that would not have happened. You are truly still a child.**_"

"_Yeah. Sorry, Hyourinmaru."_

"_**You needn't apologize. I am only relieved you can hear me again. And that your heart is beating because of thrill and not out of fear."**_

"_Eh?_"

With a grin, Isshin threw Toshiro back, something Toshiro recovered from by jumping into the trees.

"_**Ever since you returned from your zombified state, your heart was beating wildly. And it was beating that way because of fear. You feared your nightmares. You feared the faces of those that fell by your hand. And you felt guilty for the actions that came to pass because of what that Quincy made you do. Your heart has been pounding because of that and it has given me a new sense of fear."**_

_"__I see. I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble. You were hurting from that incident too, weren't you?"_

_"**I**__**f you are truly sorry, Hitsugaya, then you mustn't forget what I am. I am more than just your zanpakuto.**__"_

_"__Yeah._"

"So, Toshiro," Isshin said, raising Engetsu slightly, "have you finally realized where your problem was?"

Toshiro let out a couple of huffs. Then he looked at Hyourinmaru.

The blade that rested in his hands.

The very same blade he was too frightened to draw on his own. "I think so," he answered.

Then, after swinging his sword a little bit, Toshiro jumped down from the trees, clashing with Isshin's blade. "That's right," Isshin said with a grin, forcing Toshiro back and counterattacking.

A counterattack that Toshiro was easily able to dodge.

"When you dodge someone," Isshin said, "you don't let them cut you."

Toshiro slid underneath the low branches of the icy trees. "When you protect someone," he continued in a whisper, "you don't let them die."

He then stood tall again, his hands shaking slightly.

Shaking, but from pain. Blocking Captain Shiba took more effort than he thought, evident by the blood pouring from his hands.

"And when you attack," Isshin began.

Toshiro jumped forward, ice wrapping around his blade. Then he clashed with Isshin's flaming sword, an expression of near-happiness painting his face.

"_**YOU KILL!**_"

The ice and flames exploded, throwing Ichigo back into the trees, screaming like a girl. ←[Okay, maybe not like a girl, but he has done it before.]

* * *

Toshiro felt as if he were in a cooling embrace. "_**Master...,**_" a voice said, _**"never forget that I am more than your zanpakuto. I share your pain. If you ever need a hand, I am there to lend it to you.**__"_

_"__Right. Thank you...Hyourinmaru._"

He could feel the smile that his zanpakuto's spirit gave to him.

Even though he was a dragon, Hyourinmaru was still capable of smiling.

A gentle, warm, calming smile.

"_Thank you...Hyourinmaru._"

* * *

"Good~ Morning~ TOSHIRO!"

Toshiro's eyes snapped open and he jumped out of his futon. A large cannonball shot past his futon, slamming into the window behind him. "Captain!" Toshiro shouted. "What the heck are you thinking!?"

The former captain of Squad Ten was on the ground, laughing at something, though from Toshiro's point of view, he had no reason to laugh. "You've improved," he said. "I usually got you with that move."

"It's been 20 years!" Toshiro shouted. "I've had loads of Hakuda practice, Baka-Taichou!"

Then he paused. "Hang on," he said, looking around the room, "why am I back in the barracks?" He looked down to the cotton white kimono he was wearing. "And why am I in my pajamas?"

Isshin then pulled himself off the ground, a grin plastered onto his face. "Well, after our little brawl a couple of days ago," he explained, "you fell asleep. I figured I'd take you back to your granny's house, but your hands were bleeding again, so we brought you to Squad Four for treatment."

"A couple of days ago!?" Toshiro exclaimed. "How could I have been asleep that long?"

"Beats me," someone said at Toshiro's door. "But did you know that you drool? It got all over my shihakusho."

Toshiro looked to the door.

Just his luck.

It was Ichigo.

"I don't drool, Ichigo," Toshiro sighed.

"Well, you did when I brought you back to the barracks," Ichigo said. "You were just like a little kid, Toshiro."

"That's Captain Hitsugaya!" Toshiro shouted out of instinct. "And I'm not a little kid!"

"Not **that's **the Toshiro I remember," Ichigo chuckled. "Good to have you back, Toshiro."

"That's CAPTAIN!"

"It's good to see that you're doing better," Isshin said. "Now I can go back without any worries."

"Huh? Back?"

Toshiro then looked back to his captain, who was wearing a very familiar smile.

The same type of smile he wore before he left for the World of the Living for 20 years.

"Captain?" Toshiro asked, almost uneasily.

"I've been in the Soul Society long enough," Isshin said, placing his hands on Toshiro's shoulder. "It's time I went back home. After all, I've got two little girls at home to take care of."

"Oh," went Toshiro. "That's right. Karin and Yuzu Kurosaki-san."

"Huh?" went Ichigo. "Toshiro, you know my sisters?"

Toshiro refused to answer.

Isshin smiled sadly. He knew that Toshiro looked up to him like a son would to his father. He also knew that his departure was going to hurt Toshiro just like it did before, but what could he say?

"Hey, don't sweat it, Toshiro," was the first thing that came to his mind. "I'm still a Soul Reaper, so I can come back as often as I like. I'll come visit once in a while. Don't worry."

Toshiro then looked up to his captain, the hope returning to his face. "You will?" he asked.

Isshin smiled a little more. "Yep," he said. "So you don't worry a hair on that fuzzy white head of yours. I'll come back and help you get the squad back on it's feet. And I'll help train you until you finally get that resolve back completely."

"I'll help too," Ichigo said. "Seeing as how I'm stuck here anyway."

Toshiro looked at Ichigo for a moment, then lowered his head, as if thinking the offer over. "Thank you," he said under his breath.

That shot Ichigo over to his side. It also pulled Ichigo's hand to Toshiro's head.

"Eh!? What is it, Ichigo?" Toshiro asked.

"No fever," Ichigo reported. "You sure you're not sick, Toshiro?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Isshin said. "He got sick a lot when he was practicing his Shikai. One cold or flu virus after the other."

Those words made Toshiro's face grow warm.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Toshiro shouted, forcing both men out of the barracks and slamming his door shut.

"Was he like that before?" Ichigo asked.

"Yeah," Isshin answered. "He hated it when I pointed those things out about him. Just like a little kid."

* * *

A little later, Isshin looked at the Senkaimon. "Ah," he breathed. "Time for me to go home."

"See you later, Dad," Ichigo said under his breath.

"Yeah," Isshin responded. "Don't worry, though. I'll be coming back soon. I like to know how my son's doing."

"Yeah, yeah," Ichigo huffed. "Stop trying to sound cool and get moving."

"Alright. Tell Toshiro I said goodbye, alright?"

"Why don't you just tell me yourself?"

With the familiar 'whoosh' sound that came with the Shunpo, Toshiro appeared before the Senkaimon, his arms folded over his chest.

"Toshiro?" Ichigo asked. "That you?"

"And why are you asking me that?"

"Because you're in your uniform."

It was true. Toshiro was dressed in the uniform of a Soul Reaper, the familiar Squad Ten symbol adorning his back. Hyourinmaru was on top of his haori, his thin chain keeping it in place, and his scarf was hanging loosely on his shoulders. His hands were still wrapped in bandages and he had a bandage on his cheek, but other than that, he appeared to be on the road to recovery.

That brought a smile to Isshin's face.

"Did you come to see me off, Toshiro?" he asked with a bright smile.

"Of course not, Baka-Taicho," Toshiro responded.

"Baka-Taicho!?" Isshin exclaimed. "You almost never called me that."

"Only when you annoyed me. Anyway, since you're returning to the World of the Living, I thought I could ask you to give this to Karin Kurosaki-san."

Toshiro then threw something through the air.

Something that Isshin caught as soon as he was able.

Then he proceeded to look at it.

It was a phone charm shaped like a small soccer ball with Hyourinmaru's emblem hanging beside it.

"Toshiro...," Isshin breathed.

"You said that I worried Karin Kurosaki-san," Toshiro said, closing his eyes and lowering his head a litlte bit. "So give that to her and tell her that I'm alright." He then opened his eyes and looked at his captain.

Then he nearly fell over.

Isshin was crying.

Crying enough to form a river.

"Uh, Captain?" Toshiro asked uneasily. "Is something the matter?"

"TOSHIRO!" Isshin exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Toshiro, effectively suffocating him all the while. "That is so sweet! Perfect for my future son-in-law!"

"Son-in-law?" Ichigo thought angrily.

"Captain Shiba, let go of me!" Toshiro shouted, pushing himself away from Isshin. "You're worse than Rangiku!"

Isshin heeded his words immediately. "Sorry," he said tearfully. "I was just so happy, I couldn't help but hut you."

"Captain," Toshiro drawled, his eyebrow twitching in irritation.

"Okay. Okay. I know that tone," Isshin said quickly. "I'm leaving. And I'll be sure to give Karin-chan your present."

Then he raced through the Senkaimon, leaving a fuming Toshiro in his wake.

"I wonder," Toshiro thought a moment later. "If I shoot a Shakkaho after him, will it hit him when he gets out of the Senkaimon?"

"So, Toshiro," Ichigo said.

"What is it?" Toshiro asked, looking towards the Substitute Soul Reaper.

"What did he mean when he called you his 'future son-in-law?'"

"It doesn't matter," Toshiro said, hiding the rising blush in his face.

"It **does** matter!" Ichigo declared. "Come on, Toshiro, answer me!"

"It doesn't concern you, Ichigo. That's final."

"If you're dating my sister, then it most certainly **does** concern me."

"I'm not dating your sister!"

With that, Toshiro Shunpoed away, stopping the conversation before it got out of hand.

* * *

The Squad Ten mess hall was abuzz with the chattering of its members. One of them in particular – the lieutenant, to be more specific – was especially happy.

Happy to have regained her voice earlier that day, something that the rest of the squad wasn't sure they should be happy or worried about.

"Alright, everybody," Rangiku said. "Now that Captain Shiba helped us get our dear Captain Hitsugaya back to normal, let's all have a great dinner and enjoy ourselves."

"Yeah!" the squad members all exclaimed.

"Before we begin," Toshiro said, appearing in the mess hall, "there's something I wish to say to you. To all of you."

"Huh?" went the members under their breath.

Toshiro hesitated for a while. Then he gave them all an apologetic bow. "I apologize."

All eyes were on him.

"I betrayed my squad, and for that, I deeply apologize," Toshiro continued. "I know that I cannot possibly make up for the loss of life that occurred by my hand, but still, I hope that you shall all forgive me, eventually."

"Captain," Rangiku breathed.

"Captain Hitsugaya," Takezoe said, pushing himself away from his table, "there is nothing for us to forgive."

Toshiro raised his head, surprise all over his face.

"It wasn't your fault that you attacked us," another squad member said. "It was that Quincy."

"We don't blame you in the least, Captain Hitsugaya," said yet another member. "So you don't have to apologize at all."

Toshiro stared at his squad, stunned.

"We told you so, Captain," Rangiku said. "And you were worrying over nothing."

Toshiro almost chuckled at himself and raised his hands so he could see the wounds from gripping his sword.

He washed them carefully that time, leaving him without the need to fix the cuts again.

"I must keep moving forward," he told himself softly, clenching his fist a little bit. "Moving forward..."

* * *

Karin held up the phone charm that Toshiro had given her. "So this is his idea of letting me know he's alright?" she asked, staring the phone charm down.

"Yes," Isshin said with a smile. "Just what I would come to expect from my future son-in-law."

"Dad? What are you talking about?" Karin asked, looking over to her father with a warm face. "Toshiro and I are just friends."

"That's the way it is in the beginning, Karin," Yuzu said happily. "First, you're just friends, then you become so-so friends, then the next thing you know, you're boyfriend/girlfriend."

"Yuzu, you need to stop reading those crazy romance stories of yours," Karin mumbled.

"And you need to stop denying your feelings, Karin," Yuzu said.

"So does Toshiro," Isshin said. "One of you's gotta crack eventually, or else I won't be able to walk you down the aisle."

"DAD!"

* * *

**D.T.B: I couldn't resist adding the HitsuKarin at the end. Hope you enjoyed reading it just the same. **


End file.
